These Phrases given by A Parent That Helped Us as a New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate among men, who still absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - spending a short trip overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."